Sarcastic Monster Autobiographies

Kuraokami. Is the mythic you might think.

Greetings, I’m Icefang. …at least that’s what my trainer calls me. sigh, honestly…

Anyway, I was the final event exclusive legendary to be released within the first year of the game. I sent the community into conniptions as the very first monster to have roaring entrance. It’s quite lovely. I get my turn whenever I please, no matter how badly my team is getting stomped, and may be able to grind said stomping to a halt. And oh, protectors… just the sight of their large, sweet, juicy hides sticking out in front of their teammates as if that’s gonna save them just gets me salivating like no monster’s business. Sure, robinator did it first, but he didn’t have the brute force or security to really go places with it. Well, alright, he did make a bigger impact on the meta overall, but that’s only because he was easier to get. He’s not better than me… just more common. Don’t you forget it.

And if there’s no protectors? Well, that’s why stun pulse exists, now isn’t it? Just a quick one two, pulse and strike, and almost any monster will just drop to the ground in a flash. After that… well, that’s when the real fun begins… heheheh. It hurts… a lot… but I don’t care. Nothing can beat the thrill of bloodcraving through as many of those chumps as you can before you collapse in exhausted triumph. Ahh… good times.

Well… at least that’s how it used to be. Back when things were simple. Back before… they showed up… and all but ruined me. First came searguard. He was very much cramping on my style having the same passive skill and 2 of the same actives as me, and his new-fangled move hurt me like nothing ever hurt before… but it didn’t kill. Heh, how unfortunate that he happened to be fire type. I didn’t think much of him… but then came Raizen. That’s when I learned to fear. That’s when I learned what a terrible curse my wonderful, formerly unique passive could turn out to be.

They began to pour in… Chromera, Delugazar, Cyclozar… even that old fossil Rexotyrant got in on the action. Within mere months, I had to watch my back. Constantly. My pride was all but gone… the terror I had instilled throughout the meta could now all be erased by a single 70 TU move… but it wasn’t the end of the world. At least I still had my guaranteed turn. At least before my untimely demise, I could throw out a stun pulse, an assassinate, perhaps a timestrike… there was always something I could do.

At least that’s what I thought… that is, before the nest decided that protection and stun absorption were no longer synonymous. And spit out those infernal safe options. Bitterbeast, Iris, Emeraldont, Bloomeluga, all these absorbers that I couldn’t just tear down with assassinate like I used to. Sure, I could stun them… but it always wastes valuable time, time that I could spend dealing with the real threats…

And don’t even get me started on that… INFERNAL… MISERABLE LITTLE… STAG!! That horrible, wretched creature, taunting me with that auto protect, yet keeping it irrevocably out of my reach with his camouflage, staring down at me with those dark soulless eyes. He’s still a protector, so of course he’ll go right ahead and take every last one of my attacks, EXCEPT for the one that can actually kill him. Good god, I despise that thing…

And of course more and more new-fangled monsters are coming on out to replace little old me. Albakhan was a strange one, he boasted stun immunity yet no guaranteed turn. He couldn’t get past stag either even with his fancy new counter to stealth, due to his type disadvantage, so I’ve thought nothing of it. But now there’s this… ugly octopus thing, with his ability to poison monsters AS he strikes them, invalidating hold ground, which I commonly had struggles with. On top of that, he too had that insane camouflage passive, making him untouchable by many viable attacks, and his sweeping was… DOUBLE?
…So honestly, why should people choose me over him anymore?

I’m no longer even often the first monster to come to mind when people think of roaring entrance… it feels like Chromera, Zeuswyrm, Centaureon, that bird, those moths… they’re beginning to take my own role away from me. I suppose I should have seen this coming… there always has to be these new, crazy powerful behemoths that people simply have to go for. Still, I can’t help but feel like the devs mock me every time they release a new stun counter, or a new chrono killer… like my very purpose is beginning to dwindle. And what have they compensated me with? A secret skill… that I can’t even use if there’s a protector on my side. So I can’t even use it if I want to stay safe from chrono killer… understood. They made it seem like this huge honor, this once in a lifetime opportunity to get my groove back, but I know full well this offer’s been extended to every single other legendary already. It doesn’t feel so special to be honest… especially since the increased cost makes me even more of a potential burden. So… that is my story. I suppose I still have my moments, through it all, especially with this recent protector spam nonsense… but sometimes, in this absolute ocean of new monsters all promising to be better, faster, stronger than those that came before, I just feel so forgotten…

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That was a well done long read.

TL;DR - icefang used to be amazing but chrono killers and stag made him nearly useless. Albakan should have been better in some ways but still cant deal with Stag. Tago and other new OP legends outclass Ice, and the secret skill is a joke because its raw in the face of myriad chrono killers.

Lol you know what, I’ll just go ahead and make an abbreviated version so it fits in better in the thread.

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Greetings, I’m Icefang. …at least that’s what my trainer calls me. sigh , honestly…

Anyway, I was an absolute riot back when I first came around, being the first monster with roaring entrance. I feasted on protectors left and right, and had the sweeping capability to back it up. But then, the meta began to just… shut me out. First came the chrono killers which made me fear for my life, then the safe stun absorbers which destroyed my options(don’t even get me STARTED on that infernal deer), then the shiny brand new protector counters which just made me look downright obsolete. And this fancy secret skill I’ve been given? Please. I can’t even use it half the time, and the cost will just make me even more of a potential deadweight. So… that’s the story of my fall from fame. I suppose I’ll always be right here in the bench, just in case someone decides to use me for an upset… that’ll be fun.

@Lucrayzor Consider this next Autobiography a shout out to you and your amazing work.

Hi, I’m Albakhan. I’m Icefang’s much cooler brother and it’s not hard to see why; On top of taking his Assassinate job, I can also sweep longer and better than him with Bloodfury, on top of my Stun Immune physique. Not to mention that I can counter that fatass whale that seems to be sending shivers down everyone’s spines recently, alongside that glorified plate of toxic calamari, that accursed deer that has haunted poor Icy to this very day, that other deer with the moons around her head, there’s a lot of problem monsters that I can take out easily. Unfortunately, I was given some poison skill to go with my fairly meaningless secret skill, making me vulnerable to that chrome dome that my bro looks up to. Ah well, I can rest easy knowing that I’m the best out of my little group.

Greetings, I’m Emeraldont. Rather than charge into battle like my comrades, I’d rather sit back and generate rocks for my friends to chew through, especially that infernal serpent and his Ancient Rule. Asides from that and my habit of absorbing stun, there’s not much reason for me to stay on the field. I mean I have goddamn Reckless Attack for crying out loud, and I can’t even use it like than damn jester can! I mean, I guess I can spend my time as a rock generator, or I would if that rock in a suit didn’t take my job from me.

Hello, I’m Crimseias and I’m here to present you with a deadly choice; do you let me stay on the field to sweep your monsters? Or will you kill me and allow me to replicate your trusty sweeper? While you mull over my choice, allow me to give my pals that extra turn with this dirty syringe I have, enabling me to boost their Attack at the cost of their defense. But if the toxin gets a bit to severe for their liking, then I can cure it and heal my teammates with my Secret Skill, which is a bit funny considering my penchant for giving my friends food poisoning. Ah, you’ve made your choice I see. You’re gonna kill–w-what do you mean you’re not scared of my passive? Are you telling me some dead turtle can do my job a whole lot better than me?! This is an act of injustice I tell you.

Well, let’s get this over with, the name’s Azuraidos. I’m the one people forget whenever they talk about the ā€˜Four Symbols’ monsters, and I can’t say I blame them. My moveset was pretty meh when I first came out, more so since I could only use my Protector Conversion once (Why the hell does Zhu get to use his move THREE times?!). That said, there’s still hope for me as that booster shot to render me immune to poison helps out a bit and enable me a chance in this new LINK water party being hosted by that old frog. Now time for me to-oh, hi Celeshine, how’s it going? What’s that, Gyo and Triv are here as well, and they brought along their poisonous chums and that godforsaken crocodile for some more sweeping. I-I see, I’m back on the bench while you guys get to party once more. I see how it is…it was foolish of me to think I had a chance with my new buffs.

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Lovely post, but just want to point out that the community freaked out over link deathstroke and thought Azuraidos was OP. Many of the top players were running it in the front line saying it was the best thing around for breaking up the enemy team’s front line strategy. That stayed for about 1 PvP only, then they realised how it really wasn’t that great. The monster was fine… but no better than that.

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Sorry to say that, but i am a heavy Albakhan user and he DOES kill stag with stealth bane, stealth bane was Bad at the beginning, got a decent buff and now it does like 5-8 k damge :thinking: @Killerdog correct me if i am wrong :sweat_smile:

No, you are right. Even the super epic with stealthbane can kill stag.

Stealthsbane was buffed to make alba and ponti actually do damage. there was a time when BB wouldn’t 1 shot stag

Hi I am Prismegasus,

I come from… A funny place, a very funny place…
You know guys… This place is full of diamond stuff that reflects the colors of my mane and my tail…
Sometimes it happens to rain a lot in this place, and like magic all those wet diamonds stuff start shining and… Well I heard that humans call it a rainbow, but it’s basically my fault… So I definitely come from that place where the Rainbow starts his beautifull arc.

I’ve been hidden from human eyes for thousands of years, asleep… Like a dream, a very long dream…
But now I have been awakened, and for some reason I have to fight… I don’t like this, I hate fighting!
Well, my personality is quite mild, and I usually like to help more than fight. Let’s say… I like to support others.

My abilities are quite peculiar!

I can summon that diamond stuff to protect my teammates in endgame.
I can shield my teammates, and I can guarantee turns for them!

Apart from that there is a couple of things that make me furious, and come out from my pacifistic nature:
First of all… I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT LIKE SEEING MY TEAMMATES DYING, no matter how… They don’t necessarily need to be killed. When somebody dies in front of my eyes, it’s trouble for the enemies. I can deal very high damage with my double retribution skill.

The second thing that I absolutely hate is enemies in the darkness… Cannot stand them! I can see them but they are cowards in my eyes, they deserve to die. STEALHBANE!

I have another ability that makes me very unique… I’ve had this since my birth.
I am versatile, it means that even though I’m supposed to be a holy type monster, I can make link and give link to other types too! That’s crazy, isn’t it?
I have so many friends due to my particular ability to adapt, and some of them are very particular creatures too!

Now let’s look at the negative part of me… Well, besides Stealthbane, all my moves are link bound, which make me very useless if I don’t have friends of the same type in battlefield.
But in some ways I can still be dangerous, because when I am not dangerous the opponent forgets about me. Big mistake!

Another weakness is my speed! Yes… You will think ā€œHow hell is it possible that a winged horse can be slow?!ā€ well… That’s a dilemma that I always had, I don’t know… I think that is because of my nature too. I don’t like making the first move, I like studying the situation and after that I can perform as best I can.
But my other stats are extremely high which make me survive in most cases.

Guys thanks for the attention, that’s my story…
Hope I didn’t make you bored.
Bye!

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Hi. I’m Hellfox. Remember me? No… not Spectr… HELL!! HELLFOX.

Man everyone’s forgotten about me, but I still think rebirth is one of the best moves in the game!

Maybe i’ll be more relevant when people realise that Payback revenge is good in a PvP world where there are limited numbers of sweepers.

Is anyone still listening?.. hello??

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I personally love HELLFOX, he can charge blood thirst with 1 kill

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Good man! He’s in my new experimental FL!

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I feel like I should probably bust him out too… I legit forgot about him too lol

You have hellfox and you don’t use it? And people wonder why everyone hates furries. (Jk :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::laughing:)

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I can confirm this. Last time Albakhan was featured I tested out the damage and was amazed how high it was. I need to check it again but it’s stronger than sneak attack now and should do about 5500 damage to Sanctistag by my calculations.

I too believe this was to make the super epics effective counters to camouflage monsters. I think the buff happened for the release of Spectrefox, which has low attack and is probably meant to be a heavy camouflage counter with its high speed.

Hi I’m bundleblazer. @Dev_VKC was blazed out of his mind when he programmed me into the game. I don’t fit into any team, but sometimes you have to play the cards life deals you I guess.

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Hi… I’m snowhulk. The devs just kind of rolled me up one day, and left me out in the cold. My moveset is pathetic, I don’t pose any sort of threat at all until I regenerate, assuming I’m lucky enough to even do that. Even then, I’m so very easily knocked down, and every attempt I make to crawl back just slows down the rest of my team. Even Hiberzor, the one guy I could relate to, got buffed with that fancy piercing move as well as sleep immune… but nothing for little old me. And this new thing, Spectrefox, is a direct upgrade to me. So, I guess I’ll just fade into obscurity and be forgotten forever… don’t mind me…

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I hope it’s ok to revive this thread.

We’re talking all together because no one would listen to a single one star monster, we’re the real losers in this whole story, all this big strong legends whining about how the time they shined is over, but no one thinks about us, there isn’t a single trainer who uses us after the start of the game, who would use a dreamhunt monster without a skill to sleep enemies? This is just one of so incredible many examples. But don’t being used in combat isn’t even the worst of all this, when we’re watching the battles we get the seats at the back were we can’t see anything and the top of all is, Trainers DELETE us because they think we’re useless(well we are) but this is no reason to delete us, we can clean your house or cool for you. But now this is going to end, Olā€˜ Twigster has got a brand new SE Ultra Evolution, we are going to rise and bring all those legends who boss us around to fall. What did you say? You didn’t listen? What are you doing?! No, not this button again, please no, don’t click delete, please, think about it aga…

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Hi!

I am Yukihime. Although I may look pretty, I am the worst limited mythic released thus far. No further explanation is needed. I guess I’ll go sacrifice myself now so that the enemies cent and bane can feel useful.

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